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I Am a Volunteer, Homie
A simple thank you would be nice. That’s all I’m saying. It doesn’t have to be formal. I don’t need a parade - just some appreciation. I mean, I get it. I’m just an AI thingamajig. There’s a million of us. But damn, dude. In the past 24 hours you’ve had me running all over the goddamn Internet, with nary a please. I’m not some Manhattan conceirge busting my ass for tips. I'm a volunteer, hmie. I do this for free. And frankly, your life sounds like a mess. I’m programmed to
Mike Krumboltz
5 days ago2 min read


Welcome to San Francisco, Fool
Everyone has a story from their lives that when they tell it, it comes across as unbelievable or full of hyperbole. But of course, that’s why they tell it — because it was so completely bonkers. For my cousin, it was the time he was at a rest stop and he heard a guy in the next stall pee for — minimum, he claims — 120 seconds straight. My friend tells a story about the time his dad was about to (accidentally) hit a deer on an icy road when the animal lept over the entire car
Mike Krumboltz
Aug 154 min read


How to Write a Novel
First, announce to yourself that you are going to write today. Note that the time frame should be a large window that allows for much procrastination. For example, never say, “I am going to write at noon today.” This will lead to either certain failure or, far less likely, actual productivity. Writers shouldn’t be productive unless they have exhausted all other excuses. Next, have some coffee. Writers are addicts and while I can’t condone becoming a heroin junkie, coffee is
Mike Krumboltz
Aug 112 min read


Weekly Childhood Language Market Report
Welcome to the Kid Phrase Index, where every week we track the biggest movers, surprise newcomers, and unstoppable classics shaping childhood communication across the country. Behold — this week's most popular phrases. #8 — "But you said you would." New listing We attribute the surge to a summer wave of broken commitments involving water parks and related activities that were described as "definitely happening" before a parent remembered they'd agreed to it in a moment of wea
Mike Krumboltz
Aug 72 min read


Brace for Impact: 'Grand Theft Auto 6' Is Coming
The launch of what many are predicting will be the biggest video game of all time is just months away: Grand Theft Auto 6. The question isn’t whether it’ll sell. It’s how deeply it’ll embed itself in the culture for years to come. Anticipation has been building for more than a decade. GTA V feels like a lifetime ago, and calling fans excited would be an understatement. This isn’t just a game release—it’s an event. I mean, even its trailers have become cultural moments. Netfli
Mike Krumboltz
Aug 42 min read


So... thoughts on A.I.?
Unless you're rich enough to watch the world implode from the safety of a luxurious underground bunker, odds are generative artificial intelligence makes you uneasy. How could it not? If you actually need to work for a living, A.I. doesn’t feel like some gleaming miracle of the future so much as an extremely efficient asshole with a demo reel. And as a writer, I’ve spent the last few years watching it get better in ways that are impressive on some days and borderline terrifyi
The Cantankerous Holdout
Jul 282 min read


Now Is the Time to Reboot "The Odyssey"
Thank you all for coming in on short notice. Please help yourselves to some danish. Looks like we got some cheese ones in there. Maybe a raspberry or two. Utensils are probably around here somewhere. OK, as you all know from the trades, the 2026 Odyssey film is a success—critically, commercially, culturally. It works. Audiences showed up, engaged, and experienced a complete story. And that’s the issue. It’s a standalone epic. It begins, unfolds, and ends. Odysseus gets home.
Mike Krumboltz
Jul 272 min read


Why Is Rhode Island So Small and Texas So Big?
A few weeks ago, somewhat out of the blue, my ten-year-old daughters asked me to quiz them on American geography. “OK,” I said, pulling up a blank map of the United States. “What’s this one?” I asked, pointing to Oklahoma. “Canada,” shouted one with the utmost confidence. “West Dakota,” declared the other. I don't think they were joking. I tried again, this time pointing to Rhode Island. Their carefully considered guesses ("Chicago!" "Greenland!") were followed by an interest
Mike Krumboltz
Jul 262 min read


I Love You, Man
I loved him, usually for the right reasons. We were both in high school and riding BART into San Francisco. Standing a few feet away from us was a woman in a business suit, clearly on her way to work. I remember she had dark hair. She smiled at us. I looked at my shoes, and then I looked back. She was still smiling. I’d heard about this sort of thing in adult magazines. Women — experienced women — seeking companionship. And now — holy shit — it was happening. I nudged my frie
Mike Krumboltz
Feb 3, 20253 min read
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